Communicate with Your Partner
Probably the toughest sex act is the verbal one, especially for new parents who have little private time. But talking about sex after you've had a baby is almost as important as doing it. You and your partner will both benefit from honest discussions about how having a child has changed your sexual needs and expectations. Don't forget that your partner probably has as many issues surrounding your brand-new sex life as you do, Winks points out.
For instance, your partner might have trouble adjusting to the idea that his lover is now a mother, or feel jealous of that little person who dominates not just your time, but also your heart. Both of you will need to summon all of your self-awareness and communication skills in order to avoid falling into ruts or developing resentment, Winks explains.
A good way to approach even the most intimate conversations about sex, says Foley, is to make open-ended statements and ask your partner to share his feelings about the same topics. Some examples include:
"My most exciting sexual moment with you was..."
"The part of my body that I feel most self-conscious about is..."
"The thing about sex that I'm most uncomfortable with is..."
"My favorite part of making love to you is..."
If you find these kinds of topics too tricky to discuss, write the answers on a piece of paper and then swap them.
If you do get into a thorny discussion about your sexuality -- let's say you're feeling too flabby to take off your nightgown -- be clear and direct. Use "I" statements, says Winks, such as "I feel so unattractive with this extra weight,"rather than defensive or accusatory words. Then be prepared to compromise, by offering to light a candle or wear a more revealing nightgown, for instance.
Most important, go into these talks with a generous spirit, advises Winks. Just as you have every right to your sexual feelings, so does your partner. Seeing the situation from the other person's point of view will help you approach any discussion with more understanding.